


Girlfronds

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Getting Together, Other characters and ships mentioned, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, Polyamory, Present Tense, Quadrant Confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9637823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: Right as you’re finally wading into the delicious, warm water you hear a choking noise behind you. Curiously, you look behind you to the sight of Nepeta’s face flushed a shockingly strong olive color and Jade undressing herself to reveal… nothing underneath. Oh. Oh wow. What are thosenubs? Why is there hair down there? And more importantly, why is Jadeso glubbing toned?-TROLL GOOGLE HISTORY LOGTROLL GOOGL---E )(OW DO I KNOW IF MY FRIEND IS PAL--E FLIRTING WITH M-ETROLL GOOGL-E )(OW ABOUT ASH-EN FLIRTINGTROLL GOOGL-E W)(Y AR-E ALI-ENS SO )(OTW)(AT AR-E )(UMAN NUDITY CUSTOMSW)(AT AR-E T)(OSE CHEST NUBS FOR TROLL GOOGL-EW)(Y IS T)(-ER-E *)(AIR* DOWN T)(-ER-E??)(OW QUICKLY CAN P-EOPLE VACILLAT-E TROLL GOOGL-ETROLL GOOGL---E ANSW---ER M---E!!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleblackduckling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleblackduckling/gifts).



“I challenge you,” Feferi says imperiously, “to a swimming contest!”

You hiss at her.

“Oh, what? Chickening out?”

“You meow what Fefuri, yes,” you say, mustering every little bit of sarcasm that you’re capable of while Feferi’s distracted with being furious at your nickname for her, “I’m going to have a swimming contest with a _fish troll_ \--” Feferi’s fins twitch minutely at the term, and you feel a little kick of satisfied triumph at getting a reaction from her, “there’s absolutely no way that can end badly fur me!”

“No one likes a shore loser,” Feferi sniffs.

“I haven’t even lost anything!”

 _"Yet_.” Feferi gives you one of her lovely shark grins. You take a moment to covertly admire those needle-sharp chompers.

“How about,” Jade suggest, and the both of you are abruptly reminded of her existence, “we just swim and it isn’t a contest? It’s been so long since I spent time at a beach!” She sighs longingly.

You do miss swimming a bit. Sort of. You remember crouching silently in a river for hours during the warmer perigees with your mother, waiting for a blissfully ignorant little fishy to swim close enough for one of you to _pounce_. Fresh fish tastes like victory.

“As long as we go to the beach,” Feferi concedes. “I’d be living there all the time if anyone but Eridan lived there.”

“Cool, it’s a date!” Jade says with a clap of her hands.

A date. Both you and Feferi make eye contact and flush. She _had_ just stopped your growing argument in its tracks and pushed you to the point of the whole conversation: arranging a date.

“But humans don’t do ashen stuff, right?” Feferi confirms with you nervously a while later as she’s helping you alchemize a swimming suit. Personally, you don’t see the point of not just jumping in with your clothes on, and Feferi won’t stop poking holes in your designs. So what if it isn’t the right kind of fabric!? The fabric _she_ keeps trying to push on you feels icky and gross on your skin.

“They might have learned to,” you tell her, subtly throwing the scrap of gross fabric she keeps using in the alchemy equation into some bushes behind you while she’s distracted. “I saw Rose mediating between Terezi and Kanaya yesterday,” you confess, and Feferi gasps. You’d been pretty shocked too! You’d thought if Rose were to end up auspicitizing between _anyone_ it would be between Dave and Karkat whenever they were waxing pitch. Maybe she was pale with Dave though? If conciliatory feelings is something humans are capable of, that is. (But wouldn’t that end up with a conflict of interest whenever Dave and Karkat were waxing pale and this was without even mentioning Rosemary, which as you were aware was perfectly stable the last time you checked, but maybe they were just waxing and waning between quadrants for a bit like Davekat? But--)

“Hey, focus!” Feferi snaps her fingers right in front of your face, and you draw back with a hiss. “Don’t you go sailing off into your shipping world now. We’ve got _our_ relationships to worry about here.”

You frown at her, but she’s got a point.

“So,” you say. “Is she ashen flirting with us or not?”

“I guess we’re gonna’ find out at the beach date.”

You’re both so nervous that you get into an hour long screaming-match/makeout about the damned fabric to relieve the stress. Your aching vocal cords and bitten-sore lips are totally worth the way you just collapse into your slime that morning, falling into sleep straightaway where you might’ve otherwise stayed up for hours worrying about shipping diagrams and confusing humans.

* * *

Jade may have said ‘no swimming contests’, but you’re kind of eager to see how pissed Nepeta will get if (when) you propose a ‘holding your breath underwater contest’. You’re also pretty eager to see if Jade’s going to try and cool the two of you off.

You show up in some cute new accessorized goggles, a pink one piece with your sign printed in white on it as a pattern, some colorful wrist and ankle bracelets to match the sheer shawls you’ve tied around your waist, and a white sun hat that you know you’re going to ditch almost immediately but it looks very cute on you. It took you hours to alchemize the outfit, but you want to look your best for this maybe-date.

Nepeta shows up in a green glubbing _cotton_ t-shirt and boxer shorts so large and blue that you’re pretty sure she stole them from Equius.

“Fef,” she greets you cooly, peering at you over her broken sunglasses. The tone of her voice is belied by the heat of her gaze. You note the hickeys and half healed bite marks trailing down her collarbone.

“Nep,” you reply.

“I see you didn’t think to bring food or drinks.” She hefts up the cooler she’s carrying in one hand. “ _Unlike me_.”

“Well _unlike you,_ ” you mock, “I know for a fact that I’ll be able to catch myself some fresh fish.”

“Well _unlike you_ ,” she parrots back, the unoriginal little trout, “I know for a fact that humans respond badly to eating raw meat.”

You hesitate, but still open your mouth to--

“Hey guys!” Jade calls out as she teleports between the two of you with a green burst. You unfortunately don’t manage to restrain your yelp of surprise (but are able to restrain the urge to decaptchalogue your strife specibus), but you think you’ll be able to defend your pride from Nepeta’s inevitable ribbing about it consider the yowl she lets loose as she stumbles away.

“Oh, sorry,” she says sheepishly. “I should have warned you guys over pesterchum first, huh?”

“Maybe,” you wheeze.

“It’s alright,” Nepeta contradicts you faintly. Typical.

“So, anyways,” Jade breaks the tension. “Let’s swim!”

You give Jade a once-over. She’s wearing what she always wears, her god-tier outfit. She must be wearing her bathing suit underneath her clothes. You’re sure of it once Jade starts undressing, so you toss off your sunhat and sandals and start towards the ocean, your skin practically prickling for the salty water. It’s been so long! Almost _twenty-four hours_.

Right as you’re finally wading into the delicious, warm water you hear a choking noise behind you. Curiously, you look behind you to the sight of Nepeta’s face flushed a shockingly strong olive color and Jade undressing herself to reveal… nothing underneath. Oh. Oh wow. What are those _nubs_? Why is there hair down there? And more importantly, why is Jade _so glubbing toned_?

Jade kicks off her ruby slippers and she is completely bare while standing out in the open and not in the least self conscious about it, apparently. She stretches languidly, her fingers braided through each other and palms facing the sky. _Definitely_ not self conscious about it.

She prances out into the ocean right past you like nothing significant just happened, her hair long enough to unfortunately cover her ass.

Hang on. _Unfortunately_?

* * *

“Humans are so confusing,” you say, leaning against one of Equius’ sweaty biceps.

“They are bewilderingly uncivilized,” he sort of agrees, carefully tightening a bolt with his fingers.

“Confusingly hot,” you clarify.

You note a slight increase in moistness.

“They are certainly… exotic?” he tries.

“Have you efur seen one naked?”

Equius accidentally turns too hard and the entire bolt snaps off. “Fiddlesticks!”

“It’s _weirdly_ hot,” you try to explain. “You’re not supposed to get weird around people you’re conciliatory fur when they get naked.”

“Ah,” Equius calms down some and gently pushes his sunglasses up his scent-snout. “Perhaps it was only because the human in question was so… unusual? You were taken off guard.”

That’s the explanation you _wanted_ him to give you. You guiltily accept the excuse and go back to badgering him about Dirk.

* * *

So, any relationship at all with Jade is out of the question! COMPLETELY. Because only _bad_ things can come of entering a conciliatory relationship with someone while wanting them in another way. Very, very bad things. Eridan taught you that.

You aggressively toss the boulder that Kanaya directed you to remove. She’d been afraid that it was placed rather precariously over her brooding cave and that the grubs or (Empress forbid) the grubmother may have been in danger of being squashed should it ever shift and fall. Normally someone else would handle something like that, but circumstances had been so that you were the only viable volunteer and you were only too happy to vent your frustrations through some productive weightlifting: John may have removed it with his windy thing but he was off exploring one of their continents again (he’d happily cover every inch of a new country no matter how long it took and then he’d come back home and spend time with his friends for a few months; apparently they were used to mostly just interacting through their chat client, something Feferi could relate to), Equius may have lifted it away himself but he was busy trying to fix the indoor plumbing with Dirk (something no one wanted to distract them from), and Jade could have teleported it away but she was off on a hunting trip with her strange human relative thingy Jake. Best not to think about Jade. Anyways, you were more than ready to aid Kanaya with your ‘freakish sea Hitler strength’ as Roxy would put it.

The boulder makes a satisfying racket as it rolls down the hill, flattening all trees foolish enough to stand in its path.

Despite all of your efforts, you think about Jade.

What if you approached her from a flushed angle instead? But wouldn’t that be just as bad as entering an ashen relationship with her while having flushed feelings for her? But then which of your feelings are real? Are you ashen or flushed for her? How are you supposed to be able to tell?

You wish you had another boulder to chuck.

* * *

“We don’t need a middle leaf.” You startle at how close that voice was to your aural-duct. You look away from your phone where you’d just drawn up gardenGnostic and over your shoulder and glare straight into Feferi’s face. “You don’t need to troll Jade to tell her to come.”

“We’ve been fighting all day, and it hasn’t been fun,” you point out tersely.

“Everyone has bad days,” Feferi grumbles and slumps into her seat. “Doesn’t mean that we have to dive into a relationship with someone whose alien anatomy we’ve ogled.”

You flush at that rather accurate assessment. “Well, she’s still our furriend,” you defend yourself feebly.

“As long as you don’t try to use her as a buffer between us,” Feferi warns.

“I won’t! I’ll just use her as a _distraction_. Nothing ashen about that, right?”

Feferi concedes reluctantly, and you try to fool yourself into thinking that what you just said wasn’t just excuses.

* * *

“Is everything… alright?” you ask, concerned. You and Feferi are walking together since both of your homes are in the same direction.

Feferi starts, and looks over at you. “Hmm?”

“It’s just, you were kind of quiet tonight. Are you grumpy because we didn’t watch Free Willy again?”

“Free Willy is a cinematic masterpiece.”

“And also perfectly caters to your special interest. Anyways, don’t try and change the subject. Are you okay?”

Feferi looks at you for a long moment, and you think you can almost see some pink dusting her cheeks. “Um. I. Is this…?”

“What?” you ask.

“Ohlookthere’smyhousegottago!” Feferi says in a rush then jogs away. You could teleport after, but you guess she maybe wants some privacy? If she isn’t back to her cheery old self the next time you see her you’ll press her again.

* * *

TROLL GOOGLE HISTORY LOG

TROLL GOOGL---E )(OW DO I KNOW IF MY FRIEND IS PAL--E FLIRTING WITH M-E

TROLL GOOGL-E )(OW ABOUT ASH-EN FLIRTING

TROLL GOOGL-E W)(Y AR-E ALI-ENS SO )(OT

W)(AT AR-E )(UMAN NUDITY CUSTOMS

W)(AT AR-E T)(OSE CHEST NUBS FOR TROLL GOOGL-E

W)(Y IS T)(-ER-E _)(AIR_ DOWN T)(-ER-E??

)(OW QUICKLY CAN P-EOPLE VACILLAT-E TROLL GOOGL-E

TROLL GOOGL---E ANSW---ER M---E!!

* * *

AC: :33 < i ask if you’re okay sometimes!

CC: Y-ES, but it was t)(e WAY she said it!

AC: :33 < this is purazy

AC: :33 < furst you think she’s flirting with us ashen and then you think she’s flirting with us flushed and NOW you think she’s flirting with you pale??

CC: W)(O JUST UNDR-ESSES IN FRONT OF P--EOPLE IN THE OP---EN LIKE T)(AT!?

AC: :33 < no pawdy vacillates that quickly!

CC: T)(AT’S W)(AT TROLL GOOGL-E SAID!

AC: :33 < i think we’re just getting confused beclaws she’s a weird human

AC: :33 < she’s pawprobably not flirting with us at all

CC: T)(at’s

CC: … Upsetting??

AC: :33 < … *ac curls up into a tight ball*

* * *

“Are you single?” Nepeta ask you one day while you’re cooling off from role playing another epic adventure between the partners Captain Claws and General Bark. They’d just discovered the horrific and inhumane ‘zoo’ Admiral Fang owns. You’re both hoping that Feferi would be willing to roleplay Admiral Fang.

“Unfortunately for your shipping, no. Or fortunately, I guess?” You down your water bottle.

“Yes, fur my shipping,” Nepeta says woodenly, and abruptly takes another drink from her bottle. She chokes on it a little bit and you pat her back.

“Hey, do you think Feferi’s been acting kind of weird lately?” you ask her.

She takes a little longer time clearing her throat than you think she strictly needs. “Weird how?”

“Just, kind of moody I guess. Distant?”

Nepeta shrugs innocently.

You sit back with a sigh. “I guess I’m just worried about her.”

Nepeta has a brief coughing fit, flushed green in her face.

“Geeze,” you say with a grin, patting her back. “Don’t you start worrying me too!”

“IjustremempurredIhaveathingwithEquius,” Nepeta says in a rush, and why are you getting deja vu here?

“Um, okay, bye?”

“Bye, love you!” She trips. “PLATONICALLY.”

“You too?” you say, and then she’s gone.

* * *

You have the stuffiest moirail to ever stuff, and usually this makes you feel fond. Now it makes you feel anxious. And dumb for even bringing this up. But you have to push him sometimes, for his own good! _But not about your relationship_ , you think to yourself. If your tail was real it would be lashing behind you in anxiety.

“Sooo,” you start, the smoothest smooth machine ever. “How are thing’s going with Dirk?”

He turns blue and huffs even at that, but he’s always been an easy blusher. “Our project is proceeding well.”

“Yeah, that was a great idea he came up with so you two could spend time with each other and flirt.”

“Everyone misses not bathing in a river, Nepeta. Except for you, because you’ve never known anything else. You will soon learn the error of you ways, however.”

“Uh huh,” you say, not convinced in the least of these ‘showers’ everyone keeps talking up. “And how are things with _Roxy_ going?”

He chokes, scandalized. “We needed--”

“A software specialist fur designing an _ablution system_?” You raise an eyebrow skeptically. In truth you have no idea whether or not an ablution system requires coding, you’re just taking a shot in the dark here.

Equius has to make indignant noises for a full thirty seconds before he can bring himself to respond. _Bullseye_. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying--”

“Then I’ll helpfully explain!” you say gleefully. Your mind is almost entirely off the whole mess with Jade now, and it’s always been a fun (if far too easy) game to fluster Equius. “I’m implying that you want them both in your flushed quadrant!”

He actually, literally gasps, hand to his chest.

“Or it’s more like the two of them want you in their flushed quadrant at the same time, since you’d nefur actually be able to purring yourself to do anything about such a,” you put on your best Equius impression, which is fantastic, “ _filthy fantasy_.”

The glass of milk he’d been holding falls out of his hand purely because of how moist he is. You grin at him.

“I _never,_ ” he finally manages, and you relax, knowing that you didn’t cross some sort of line.

“I think the three of you would be cute together!” you persist. “I even put you guys on my shipping wall.”

He makes more scandalized prim old lady noises, which you ignore because you’re an amazing moirail.

“... Hey,” you say, more subdued. You can already tell that you won’t be able to take the current topic of conversation much farther today until he’s had time to think it over. You should talk about what you’ve actually been meaning to talk about. He seems to notice the shift in tone, and you can tell that his posture becomes more serious, concerned. “Would you be okay with it if I started dating two people in one quadrant?”

“It is not my place to stop you, only to suggest,” he sniffs.

“Well,” you say very reluctantly, watching your chance to just stop the conversation here before it’s too late going down the drain. “It is if it’s the pale quadrant.”

He’s silent.

“Hypothetically,” you try feebly.

He is still silent.

“And it’s not like you aren’t the greatest meowrail in existence!” you say. This kind of feels like talking a to a wall. A wall whose feelings you’ve hurt. “I just! I’m getting some pale felines fur someone else as well and was wondering if it would be okay with you if I… acted. On those. Feelings.”

He slowly reaches for a towel and dabs at his forehead.

“And also I want to kiss her and I want her to help me and Feferi not hate each other quite so badly and I’ve wanted to talk about this with you fur days.” The words just keep flowing, like a dam that seizes the opportunity when you only intended to let loose a trickle of water.

He softens.

“You are an uncivilized degenerate,” he says. “Enter whichever freakish kind of relationship you wish, if it makes you happy.”

You squeal and pounce on him.

* * *

“Hey, LOSER!” You hear a familiar shout from outside your window. You peer outside of it to see your blasted kismesis, waking you up in the middle of the day. That’s kind of romantic.

“Last one to pap Jade is a bunch of rotten fish eggs,” she roars gleefully, and she is _so crude_ , and why are you hurriedly pulling your dress on over yourself?

You burst out of your hive, and you are a _fuschia_ blood so you should be able to overtake her in just a moment, but she’s run after prey all of her life, and you’re still groggy with sleep and more used to swimming and spearing monsters at a distance with your thrown trident. Also you forgot your shoes.

“Ow, ow, ow,” you mutter underneath your breath, gravel digging into the soles of your feet.

“I’m gonna’ win!” she brags.

“Win what!?” you shout. “You’re not gonna’ pap her because you’ve got Equius, and I’m not gonna’ pap her because it’s a _terrible idea_.”

“Nah, Equius said it was cool!” she glances behind at you with a roguish grin. “I’m gonna’ pap her sooo hard.”

You squawk indignantly.

“And them I’m going to kiss her!” Nepeta goes on, because she is the worst. “And I’m gonna’ touch her great human butt _first_.”

“I’m not interested in doing any of those things!” you inform her, your face flaming.

“Then why are you still chasing me?” she asks smugly.

“Because!” you answer, and then you just focus on running faster.

* * *

You hadn’t expected Nepeta and Feferi to come over, since trolls are kind of the definition of night owls. You usually hang out around twilight and dusk and times like that when your natural waking hours briefly overlap.

“Hey so about that single thing--” Nepeta says and she sprints onto your lawn where you’re tending to some of your flowers. She’s cut off as Feferi viciously tackles her into the ground.

“ _Not another word_ ,” she hisses, face bright pink.

“Um, hey guys,” you greet your weirdo friends. All of your friends are weirdos though, including you, so you guess it’s okay.

Nepeta says something, but it’s muffled into the grass to the point that it’s incomprehensible.

“Sorry, you’ll have to speak up!” you say cheerfully, taking off your gardening gloves. Your tulips can wait.

Feferi tries desperately to shove Nepeta’s face more firmly into the grass. You walk over and kick Feferi lightly on her leg. “Come on, dumb-dumb, she’s can’t breathe through her gills in an emergency like you. She’s gonna’ choke to death.”

“ _Good_ ,” Feferi says viciously, but she lets up on the pressure. Nepeta comes up for air with a gasp.

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about,” she says triumphantly, like she just proved a great point.

“Oh, shut up,” Feferi groans, like she actually understands what Nepeta’s getting at. So, probably some weird troll thing, then.

“You should date us,” Nepeta says, and Feferi screams.

“What!” you say.

“Like, in all of the quadrants!” she goes on. Feferi looks like she’s trying to choke _herself_ to death now.

“It doesn’t _work like that_ ,” she says longsufferingly.

“Um, excuse you, we are literally gods, we can say what does and doesn’t work.” She turns her beaming smile onto you. “Equius said it was cool! And Feferi’s just being a dumb-butt about this because she has unresolved issues regarding quadrants due to Eridan. Trust me, she super wants to pap your butt.”

“WHAT,” Feferi says, and you burst out into laughter because your friends are _such weirdos_ . “I do not have unresolved issues regarding quadrants because of Eridan! And _stop laughing_!!!”

“Yes you do~~,” Nepeta singsongs. “But don’t worry, now that we’re dating Jade you’ll finally be able to jam about it with someone.”

“We are not dating Jade!” Feferi exclaims. “She has not been flirting with us, she’s just being human-weird! Those guys mediate between each other all the time, and they could go pale for a _tree_ , and I bet swimming naked is _normal_ \--”

“Um, actually,” you interrupt her before she gets into her rant too far. “Swimming naked _isn’t_ all that normal. I mean, I didn’t know that before since I grew up alone on an island with a radioactive dog as a guardian, but I did the same thing with Rose a few weeks ago and she corrected me. So.” You can feel yourself blushing. “I kind of did that on purpose.”

“So you were flirting??” Nepeta asks, excited.

“Yeah,” you admit sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. “And even though we don’t really think mediating between people is all that special, I _especially_ want the two of you to get along. And I care a _lot_ about how you guys are doing.”

Nepeta squees. “This is going so well!”

Feferi looks like she’s bluescreening.

“And I might even like that angry kissing thing you guys do sometimes? We’ll have to see!” you go on, because it looks like you’re sort of getting a good reception? Maybe you _should_ jam with Feferi.

“Fef,” you say. “I know about that whole mess between you and Eridan, I’ve yelled at him a lot over it--”

“The two of you jam!?” Feferi asks.

“Sometimes, but he jams with basically all of the humans since he knows we won’t think it’s creepy. Well, romantic creepy anyways.”

“I’m going to have to change the entire wall,” Nepeta murmurs to herself, distracted.

“ _Anyways_ ,” you say, very hypocritically tired of being constantly interrupted. “Your and Eridan’s problem wasn’t that you were mixing quadrants, it was the miscommunication and lying.” You reach out for her hand, and she numbly threads your fingers together. “So, so long as we all talk to each other honestly about what we want, I think we’re gonna’ be okay.” You give her an encouraging smile.

“Oh my god,” Nepeta says. “You got to jam with her first. I didn’t think this through. Jade! Can I pap you?”

“What?” you ask. “Is that some sort of sex thing?”

“No, can I touch your face!”

“Uh, sure?”

She touches your face, palm curving over your right cheek.

“ _Eeee_ ,” she squeals softly, which is so cute that you don’t feel awkward about your girlfriend patting your face any longer. Girlfriend! _Nice_.

Nepeta turns to Feferi, a smug smirk on her lips. “I _said_ I’d pap her first.”

Feferi finally seems to snap out of the trance she’d been stuck in in the last five minutes. “Shut up! I jammed with her!”

And then they start bickering, and you smile again. You’ll make sure to intervene if the fight grows too serious.

* * *

Your first actual date as a trio starts, of course, at the alchemiter. You spend several hours creating outfits together. You don’t think of it as preparation, but rather as part of the date. A fun activity. You remember the first time you created a bunch of cute outfits and a shit ton of computers together with Dave fondly.

You suggest that Feferi wears _fishnet_ stockings (get it??), and she’s delighted by the idea. You yourself wear a super cute blue sundress, and you tug at Feferi’s hair when she tries to push an outfit that Nepeta doesn’t like on her.

After that it’s the ‘restaurant’, by which you mean that you now owe Jane a huge favor because she is sick and tired of no one but her knowing how to make a meal that tastes more than tolerable or good to only those with extremely specific and unique tastes.

“Karkat said we should make a chart to schedule our dates,” Nepeta says between bites of very rare steak.

“You already told salmone?” Feferi asks incredulously, mouth still full of sushi.

“What?” you ask in incomprehension. You still aren’t too good at the whole pun thing, unlike Nepeta and Feferi, whom it seems it comes as naturally to them as breathing.

“Someone. See, Feferi, that was a total stretch!” Nepeta says triumphantly, before continuing. “And me and Karcat are shipping buddies! Like I could leave him out of a scoop like this.”

“And let me guess how he reacted,” you say, already rolling your eyes. “With an hour long rant without pausing for breath.”

“Yes, we’re all pan-concussed furreaks apparently, but also I’m puretty sure he was happy fur us! He teared up when he thought I wasn’t looking, anyways.”

“Aww,” Feferi coos, and it really does feel like your eyes are about to roll right out of your eye sockets. You make a mental note to hit Karkat with a rolled up newspaper the next time you see him, secret hidden heart of gold or no. _Rude_.

“Our relationship isn’t gonna’ be a secret,” you remind them. You pause, trying to recall if you’d all actually agreed to that out loud with words and everything. “Right?”

“Well, it’s already too late anyways,” Nepeta says matter of factly. “I told Karkat who’s definitely going to tell Dave who’s definitely going to tell some combination of the Striders and Lalondes, and from there’s it’s just going to spread like wildfire. Oh, and also Equius, who can’t keep secrets worth a damn.”

“Great,” Feferi says sardonically. “That’s exactly how I wanted people to find out about us, through the grapevine.”

“It’s only been about a day,” you say. “If we act quickly enough we should be able to surprise most of everyone still.”

Your girlfriends look interested.

“Did you have something specific in mind?” Feferi asks.

“You know what, I do!” you answer happily. “There is in fact a time honored tradition within our social circle for dropping bombs.”

“Oh?” Nepeta plays along, taking a sip of her overly sweet tea.

“Yup. Karkat started it.”

“I’m sure he’ll be honored to be even vaguely involved in our ungodly relationship.” Feferi grinned.

“We literally _are_ gods! Our relationship is the godliest relationship to ever god, too, seeing as it’s the relationship with the most gods in it so far. The only relationship that could possibly be more godly is a foursome.”

“Well said,” you agree. “So, this is what we’re gonna’ do.”

* * *

CC created memo on board called GIRLFRONDS.

CC: GR---EAT N---EWS ---EV---ERYONE!

twinArmageddons responded to memo.

TA: w0w FF y0u seem excited. did y0u catch a butterfly 0r s0mething.

terminallyCapricious responded to memo.

TC: honk

CC: You’re being condescending but t)(at would actually be very exciting. I’ll catc)( one of t)(ose flig)(ty fuckers yet! 

CC: BUT NO!

carcinoGeneticist responded to memo.

CG: OH GOD YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST GOING TO TELL EVERYBODY??

grimAuxiliatrix responded to memo.

GA: Tell Everybody What

gardenGnostic responded to memo.

GG: Don’t steal the confession from us, jackass!

GG: We!

arsenicCatnip responded to memo.

AC: :33 < are!!

CC: DATING!!!

tipsyGnostalgic responded to memo.

TG: OMG MOG OMG!1!! <3<3<3<3

TG: im so happy for u guys lets throw a party!!

CG: YOU’RE ALL DISGUSTINGLY SHAMELESS.

TA: l0l AA is g0ing t0 g0 bugfuck nuts 0ver missing this.

TC: HONK

CG: WATCH IT GAMZEE.

TA: gr0ss

GA: Oh My

CC: 38)

caligulasAquarium responded to memo.

CA: does this mean youre gonna stop jammin wwith me jade

GG: um...

CC: T)(is memo is closed forever.

AC: :33 < see you at my place fishy! *ac winks flirtatiously*

CG: KARKAT BARFS EVERYWHERE BECAUSE SHAMELESS EXHIBTIONSM IS DISGUSTING.

TA: y0u’ve l0ng since l0st all right t0 talk ab0ut shameless exhibti0nsm KK.

GG: wow i suddenly got the strong urge to be really sappy and romantic in public! weird!!!

GG: well there’s no reason not to do it, right?

GG: <3

AC: :33 <3 <3< <> c3<

CC: <3 <3< <> c3<

GG: haha oh yeah all of those too!

CA: exCUSE me?

CG: OKAY NOW I’M *ACTUALLY* BARFING.

TG: luv is beatiful

TG: *beautiful

CC closed memo.


End file.
